November 2021 - Page 3 of 4

MAN FULLY RESTORES VINTAGE CAMRY JUST BY GETTING AN OIL CHANGE AND A WASH AND WAX, ALL FOR UNDER $250

LOS ANGELES—A Gen Yer wanted to relive his youth by fully restoring the 1999 Toyota Camry he drove to the prom. So, he took the car to one of the…

BROKEN NEWS: IN-N-OUT BURGER TO SPLIT INTO IN BURGER AND OUT BURGER TO ADDRESS VACCINE MANDATES

IRVINE, Calif.—California-based In-N-Out Burger is breaking into two separate companies, to be named In Burger and Out Burger, in order to deal with its recent business challenges stemming from vaccine…

WOMAN WINS LOTTERY BUT REFUSES TO CASH PRIZE CHECK BECAUSE OF MISSING COMMA

MIAMI—A woman who describes herself as a grammarian par excellence won a city lottery but refuses to cash the $500,000 prize check. She insists that because of a missing restrictive…

WOMEN KICKED OUT OF FAMILY RESTAURANT SAY THEIR CONVO ON GIRTH AND LENGTH WAS ABOUT STOOL, NOT PENIS, SIZE

BUFFALO, N.Y.—Two women having lunch at local favorite Rex Diner were kicked out after the restaurant manager felt their conversation was inappropriate for a family establishment. They say it was…

BRUNCH SUES BREAKFAST AND LUNCH, ALLEGES IT HASN’T BEEN PROMOTED TO REGULAR MEAL DUE TO DISCRIMINATION

LOS ANGELES—Brunch filed a lawsuit in U.S. and British courts Wednesday, claiming that it has yet to be taken seriously as a regular meal because of discrimination by Breakfast and…

BROKEN NEWS: MCDONALD’S, JACK IN THE BOX, AND BURGER KING TO MERGE, NEW NAME TO BE MCJACKING IN THE BOX

CHICAGO—Three of the nation’s biggest fast-food restaurant chains are merging, in what industry analysts say is a whopper-sized industry consolidation that will create economies of mediocrity unlike anything the country…

HIGH-SCHOOL VIOLINIST WITH DEBILITATING SHOULDER AND NECK PAIN DIDN’T REALIZE HE WAS ACTUALLY PLAYING A CELLO

OMAHA, Neb.—A third-string high-school football player turned first-string concert musician recently discovered the cause of his shoulder and back problems the past year: he’s been playing a cello, not a…

PRICES OF CHUCK E. CHEESE TOKENS SPIKE, PUNDITS CALL THEM BETTER PLAY THAN DOGECOIN

NEW YORK—Prices for the obsolete game tokens of U.S.-based family entertainment center/restaurant pizza chain Chuck E. Cheese continue to skyrocket, vastly outpacing even surging cryptocurrencies bitcoin and dogecoin. With a…

FACEBOOK DOWN, ACKNOWLEDGES OUTAGE WITH POST ON MYSPACE

MENLO PARK, Calif.—In what’s being described as one of social media’s biggest reversals of fortune ever, Facebook has gone down—and is posting status updates on Myspace, its once formidable, long…

EMPLOYEE DRESSES AS HIMSELF FOR HALLOWEEN, GETS FIRED FOR HARASSING HIMSELF

LOS ANGELES—An office worker who dressed as himself for a company lunch to celebrate Halloween was terminated by his HR department for harassing himself. According to the employee, he thought…

Month: November 2021