MOVIE STUDIO BOSS FIRED AFTER GREEN-LIGHTING A SEQUEL TO A PREQUEL
LOS ANGELES—The head of a major film studio was fired after her bosses found out that she had given the go-ahead to start production on a sequel to a prequel.…
Continue Reading
PRO SURFERS FACE GIGANTIC NEW CHALLENGE: RIDING MICROSCOPIC WAVES
HONOLULU—Since the dawn of professional surfing, the emphasis has been on big waves. But that may be changing as the upstart Manini Micro-Wave Invitational, based in Hawaii, offers a staggering…
Continue Reading
BROKEN NEWS: ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN SUES YETI FOR $1 BILLION, CLAIMS TRADEMARK INFRINGEMENT AND COMPLAINS OF CULTURAL APPROPRIATION
AUSTIN, Texas—In an exceedingly rare sighting, the Abominable Snowman was spotted in federal court with his attorneys, who filed a lawsuit against outdoor products company Yeti Holdings, seeking $1 billion…
Continue Reading
BROKEN NEWS UPDATE: TESLA TO BE RENAMED AS PLATO, SELL ONLY GAS-POWERED VEHICLES
PALO ALTO, Calif.—In the wake of the broken news involving its Model 3, Tesla announced it is renaming itself as Plato, after the Greek philosopher, and becoming strictly a gas-powered…
Continue Reading
“I WILL ALWAYS LOVE ME”: REMIX OF WHITNEY HOUSTON HIT SOARS TO NO. 1, THANKS TO SKYROCKETING NUMBER OF NARCISSISTS
LOS ANGELES—A remix of Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You,” selfishly but perfectly entitled “I Will Always Love Me,” is now No. 1 atop the contemporary adult music charts…
Continue Reading
“LET US BRING HIM SILVER AND GOLD”: RESEARCHER SAYS SHE HAS DEFINITIVE ANSWER TO LINE THAT HAS STUMPED HOLIDAY LISTENERS FOR DECADES
JERUSALEM—For decades, people have debated why, in the much beloved Christmas song “Do You Hear What I Hear?,” a child shivers in the cold and yet a shepherd boy says…
Continue Reading
100% OFF PLUS FREE SHIPPING
YOUR CITY, Your State—An ongoing social experiment shows that people are much more likely to click on something they think is a good deal rather than something they think is…
Continue Reading
PANDA EXPRESS VOTED BEST CHINESE FOOD IN HONG KONG FOR EIGHTH STRAIGHT YEAR
HONG KONG—Hong Kong residents again voted Panda Express the best Chinese food in the city, marking the eighth straight year it has held that distinction, and the ninth time in…
Continue Reading
ANTHROPOLOGIST PROPOSES CANNIBALISM AS SOLUTION TO OVERPOPULATION
MILWAUKEE—A professor at the University of Wisconsin says that cannibalism is the best, most organic solution for overpopulation, simply because most people’s revulsion to the idea would make them less…
Continue Reading
MEDIEVAL WEAPONS EXPERT: THE PEN IS NOT MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD—WITH ONE EXCEPTION
SOLINGEN, Germany—According to a yearlong study published by a professor of metallurgy at Bergische Universität Wuppertal, the pen is definitely not mightier than the sword—unless, that is, it’s a sword…
Continue Reading
