CHICAGO—Three of the nation’s biggest fast-food restaurant chains are merging, in what industry analysts say is a whopper-sized industry consolidation that will create economies of mediocrity unlike anything the country has ever tasted.
Social media is abuzz with speculation about what the McJacKing in the Box menu will be like, with some speculating that a “Happy Ending Meal,” like the one described on electronic music comedy site Wunderground, may actually become a reality.
Chicago-based advertising and marketing guru Wendy Sanders thinks the new mascot will be the key after all is fried and flipped. She envisions a gold-crowned Ronald McDonald with an enormous, globe-shaped head and a perpetual smile from ear to ear. She added that, “If they’re willing to think both in the box and out of it, then the new mascot’s obviously male head should sit on a woman’s torso atop the four legs of a dog or cat or even a cow.” The four legs, she explained, would pay homage to animal-food brand Ralston Purina, a former corporate owner of Jack in the Box.
Sanders acknowledged that her proposed mascot might be distasteful to some people but said that might actually be an advantage in the fast-food industry. “Look,” she said, “you want something people will remember—aren’t nightmares hard to forget?”
